"Words · are · loaded · pistols" · ~Sartre

After being given a short talk about my lack of posting I return to you with this bit of thinking that Ive been mulling over for the last day or so.

I spent the later part of my night yesterday watching a brief moment in a movies, making of, frame by frame because of how unbelievable hot me and my friend both found it to be. In case you've seen the movie, its "The Fall," with Lee Pace, if you havent you should go check it out for the visuals alone.

Anyways, this is a moment that hasnt even made it into the final cut of the movie, but you get to see them shooting it when you watch the special features.

The scene is essentially Lee Pace, in sexy hot attire, eyeliner? (indeed sexy in this case) and buzzed hair cut. Stepping up to, shall we say, claim his woman. He already knows he likes her but in the story he decides he must shoot her because she is the woman of his enemy, however when he fires the bullet and her heart shaped locket prevents her from getting killed (by stopping the bullet, and yes just remember this is a fanciful sort of children's epic) he realizes that they are to be together and walks towards her with long strides, and steps up to kiss her. The manner of which is all together clearly grandiose and more importantly powerful.

I kid you not me and my friend watched the scene frame by frame, giggling and completely smitten with the way that he walked, stepped up and went to kiss the girl. He doesnt even actually kiss her! The director calls cut and the blushing and embarrassed woman turns away while Lee Pace dons a goofy looking smile.

Me and her began to talk about similar, "hot" moments. Dumb example but whatever, like in Twilight when Rob Pattinson leans Bella against this boulder and puts his arms on either side of her leaning in to her or when in The Illusionist Edward Norton grabs whats her names face and sort of pushes her against the wall then kisses her.

All these sort of make me think because in some ways theres a very blurred line between power and ownership that at the same time I have to admit I find fairly attractive. In each of these moments, as well as many others, its when men display not just strength but I guess dominion? that makes them "hot".

Just pondering this and the effects that my obvious like of these moments has on my thought on womens lib, etc, etc.

So take that for at least a relatively interesting return to posting.

Wow. Its a lot.

Big show. We're shooting in St. Augustine. I have no car. Its fucking up again, theres some electrical bullshit. We leave on Tuesday and I dont think it will be done by then. Yesterday my eyeball twitched the whole day because I hadnt gotten any sleep and I think my blood pressure through the roof. Tom (producer) is freaking out even more, I dont think he fully understands everything thats happening. Ling (director) is getting streeeesseed out. Havent heard too much from Stephen (dp).

Let me give you a tally of what will happen on this show:

1) a week of filming out of town in a place none of us are familiar with
2) 2 out of town actors, 1 from LA, one NY
3) filming in the ocean--thats right, camera on a boat, actors in the water
4) filming at the top, both the lantern room and mechanical room of a lighthouse 165 FEET of climbing STAIRS
5) underwater photography in a pool
6) night shoots

Im most excited about the underwater stuff. Its a dream sequence so the girl is going to be wearing this red dress that I sewed. Its big, and streamy like red seaweed. Should be cool--one hopes.

There was definitely more stuff before this that I cant remember. Dreamt that it was WW2 and I was clearly Jewish and in Poland. Somehow me and my grandmother were trying to run away. My grandmother looked like she did back when I lived with her when I was a little girl. We went to Michael's house and he was there but he turned us away and I know he seemed upset. So me and my grandma we're in this fenced in park on a wooden bridge that a has a wrap around wooden boardwalk surrounding the park. I know that theres this guy after me, although it didnt seem like he was after my grandmother, and suddely I see him on the other side of the park driving his motorcycle on the wooden ramp. As he comes closer Im trying to figure out what to do so I pass by my grandma, I find a hole in the fence and get out of the park. I cross the street to old old apartment houses, the kind in warsaw that are just attached to each other and I hide between the fence thats in front of them and the houses themselves in what looks like a sewer essentially. I lie down in this gross crap and I know at one point Im looking face to face with a mouse or rat. Thankfully it was not horrifying but rather cute and relatable. All of a sudden the doors open to one of the apartments and out come this family. And I watch and hope they dont notice me. They say goodbyt to each other all except this one woman who does notice me because these dobermans came out of her house after her and noticed me. So Ive got these terrifying dobermans and a woman who is certainly not happy with me essentially being in her gutter.I know that she stood me up and was shaking me while these dogs were barking. I think I got away somehow cause I seem to recall being back in Michaels place talking to some Spanish dude with no teeth through a grate window. He was saying that he was there to clean the place up, drive the car a little bit so it wouldnt end up stalling and to go get us food, it seemed like we were in hiding. Then I kind of woke up.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
I totalled my car.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I have no idea if I even made any

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. Sheena Barnes gave birth to Aiden like 3 days ago.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, and Im very thankful.

5. What countries did you visit?
None.

6. What wouldn't you like to have in 2009 that you had in 2008?
Car accidents and broken harddrives

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Election day for sure when I drove around afterwards with my roomate screaming and holding the Obama sign out our window honking our horn.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Making a D2!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Car accidents and not backing up harddrives.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had a REALLY bad flu. Horrible. I held icepacks to my face in order to cool down and fall asleep.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Nothing that I can think of. I try not to spend money

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sisters! For finally filing divorce.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Some 1st years in the MFA program, Ryan's...

14. Where did most of your money go?
CAR ACCIDENTS!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Election, D2s and now Thesis

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2008?
Katy Perry- I Kissed a Girl, or La Vida- Coldplay

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
A) happier or sadder? happier.
B) thinner or fatter? thinner
C) richer or poorer? poorer.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
reading

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
getting angry

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
With family and Kellen's family

21. How will you be spending New Year's?
Who the hell knows

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I stayed in it :)

23. How many one-night stands?
Zeo but lots of great sex overall :)

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Of the year? Hell probably Project Runway

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No I dont think hate...

26. What was the best book you read?
Equus (although its a play)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Andrew Sisters and Betty Hutton?

28. What did you want and get?
Happiness with Kellen

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
HOLY CRAP! Maybe Vicky Cristina Barcelona? Dark Knight? Twilight?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I was 25 and I...had party with film schoolers at my pool, drank sangria and had a blast.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Money.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Pin-up

34. What kept you sane?
Kellen. And film school (its also what kept me insane)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Rob Pattinson!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay Marriage

37. Who did you miss?
MY SISTER! Horribly.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Laura

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I learned to back up my fucking files. Im going to do it every month! 2 hardrives died!

table width="800" style="width:600px;border:1px solid black"> <tr><td>

The Life Experience Test

</td></tr> <tr><td> Overall, you have partaken in 80 out of 169 possible life experiences.
Your average life experience score is therefore 47%.

The average score is 51%, making your experiences more than 33% of the people who have taken this test.
The average for your age group (18-25) is 45%.

Broken down by category:
Art: 6/17 (35%)
Career & Work: 5/13 (38%)
Civics & Technology: 5/7 (71%)
Crime & Disarray: 4/11 (36%)
Education: 11/18 (61%)
Fashion: 7/10 (70%)
Fitness, Health and Sports: 1/7 (14%)
Life in General: 7/14 (50%)
Relationships: 7/14 (50%)
Religion & Politics: 1/4 (25%)
Social: 15/22 (68%)
Travel: 5/20 (25%)
Vices: 6/12 (50%)
</td></tr> <tr><td> </td></tr> <tr><td> Take the test and see how YOU compare </td></tr></table>

&nbsp;Gaaah.

After the casting trip to Atlanta Ive been so mentally checked out.  It was so fucking hard.  Particularly because I didnt feel like the people I went with didnt pull their weight.  Sure they did something but still....

And then there's the fact that Im still no closer to trains and Africa than I was like 3 weeks ago.  Thats a whole freakin month of nothing.  I literally wake up every morning having to fight off the desire to do nothing.  Some kind of success has to come sometime right?

My house looks like a hurricane hit it, my car still doesnt have a bumper, I have no money, and Im sitting here doing this rather than making phone calls and studying for the lame ass final I have tonight.

On a different note I read Equus and I absolutely loved it.  I really want someone around whose read it so I can talk to them yet there is noone like that:(

&nbsp;Its sad really.  Youd think that ever since middle school would be long enough to shake my obsession with vampires. Im as lost in this damn Twilight thing as any 14 year old and I feel slightly pathetic about it.  The movie is horrendously bad (at times) but never does it reach "good" per se.  Yet I enjoyed it and am going again.  I started reading the leaked version of the first book told from the guy's perspective and cant get that sappy goo feeling you get when youre crushing out of my brain. Good news is that its totally transferrable to Kellen.  That may sound funny but feeling it makes me think about how I feel about Kellen and that only makes me acknowledge the good.  So yeah total sap for the Twilight.  May as well post it in here.  True Blood on the other hand I dont like...I still watch cause you know, vampires, but Im hardly feelin.  That show needs a serious injection of chemistry.  Im seriously hoping though that for the next Twilight flick they get some more cash, a better director and fix that fucking wirework so I dont have to be so damn embarrassed about liking it!

&nbsp;One of the local piercing places was having a sale for 30$ so since the only thing stopping me so far was the money I went ahead and did it!  Im super pleased and it hurt for about one second!  Even now its nuthin. :

Was backing out in the FSU parking lot a couple days ago and I somehow managed to back into some dudes truck.  I have no bumper, 127 dollar ticket and feel really dumb.

Also, made it on casting team however Im not going to L.A or N.Y due to my poor luck and some other minor details.  Instead Im hitting up Atlanta.

Just so everyone knows for the 2 movies Im producing I need a farmhouse on a piece of land that looks like Africa and trains.  So if any of you know where there's a large open dry field with a farmhouse on it please let me know.  Can be out of FL too--just no further than TX.  Im getting worried.  I have some leads on both the trains and Africa but you know how it is...you still worry.

Ive just been doing all that every day.  Calling film commisions, real estate agents, train lines, etc.  Im also knitting scarves for ppl for Christmas.

Besides that...monotony.  Played Spore-didnt care for it too much.  I liked the cell stage and the land stage, after that I was over it.  I cant wait for Sims 3--February!  And...I cant wait for Joss Whedons new show Dollhouse--also February.  And I cant wait for next week when Australia comes out--woot!

FUCK YES AMERICA!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you SOOO MUUUUUCH!!!!!!!  Im beyond happy.  I only wish that all the unity extended out to homosexuals as well.  I suppose it has to be one step at a time...

&nbsp;Halloween costumes have been decided upon.  Kellen is going as a cowboy and Im going as a saloon girl.  Should be a lot of good ridiculous fun.  I have to make the skirt part of my costume (doing it Friday), Ive got the fishnets, the shoes and the corset top portion but I still need to purchase the feathers for my hair, a boa, and a garter.   We're going to the film school halloween party which will be incredible so far i know we've got a Tim gun, 2 asian girls dressed as teletubies, a mexican, and carmen miranda?  Costumes are required hence it will be awesome.

&nbsp;I have a horrible headache.  Ive tried everything to get rid of it but no luck.  Its been around for at least an hour and its seriously preventing me from doing anything.  Stuff is going ok.  Im back from being in Otown and Miami with the DPs.  I saw a Panavision camera built (amazing!), went to Cineworks and sat through a 4 1/2 hour DI session (so amazing!), spent a lot of time talking with Rex(DP on Jaws), had a bunch of photos taken of me on Southbeach by the DPs and talked for hours with Nicole about her being a lesbian, how that is in China, her parents, etc.  Went to the beach.. it was pretty cool.  Starting location scouting now with Anjuli and am happy to say that I now have office 2008 and have solved my crazy microsoft word virus problem.

For the sake of me actually writing here...I feel like Ive been hella slackin. So real quick lets see:

• At the moment I feel kinda sick.  A mild cold at best, I dont see it getting worse.
• Parents flew in from Poland today--still havent heard from them yet that they got in okay.
• Im feeling rather good about the decision I made about not writing/directing.  Im discovering much more how much 1st ADing really means to me and that I just ultimately feel much better suited to producing and ADing.  I feel excited about ADing I just hope that my agreement about getting to do that with more than one show holds.
• Working with Chip on 1st AD stuff--currently reading a Next Generation script that he directed that Ill be breaking down shortly thereafter.
• Planning on going to Otown on Wed. night and then later heading down to Sarasota for the weekend to see the rents.
• Finished another knitting project!
• 
• Its Sheena's baby blanket!
• Im starting a new project--an actual large people blanket which includes CABLES!  Ive never done them before but I am very excited.
• Saw a shit ton of movies recently so here are my comments on them
  
  • The Fall:  absolutely fabulous!! Im going to buy it.  Also I totally have the hots for the lead guy, Lee Pace--HOT!
  • Get Smart:  I loved it (used to be a big fan of the show).  Had a lot of fun seeing it, and they had a DGA trainee on it!
  • Hard Candy:  not so much...interesting idea and I actually enjoyed watching it but overall I felt like Ellen Page's perf wasnt all that buyable.  I understand not wanting to be typecast and all but i wasnt sold.
  • The Notebook:  thats right I hadnt seen it yet. Frankly I was bored.  The movie was super freakin predictable, noone was that hot and the best parts were with the old people.
  • Wanted: no, I thought it was lame and even though I know that ridiculous was its point there's a cool way to do it and then a way thats not.  I also didnt enjoy growing to like characters and then having them all die off--thats good in a drama but thats not what this movie was!
  • Kung Fu Panda: adorable!  Loved it!  Me and Kellen saw it for his birfday and it was kickass.   I heart Dustin Hoffmann as the fox :)
  • Magnolia: pretty damn awesome, then again that was to be expected from a PTA movie.
  • Vicky Cristina Barcelona: another movie I will be buying ASAP.  I completely loved it!  Which is v. surprising because I dont like Woody Allen movies.  But this was awesome. Great subject matter, Scarlett and Javier were hot (as was Penelope).  LOVED!
• So there you have it.  This is what I do with my life now :)

Sarah Palin married her high school boyfriend, Todd Palin, on August 29, 1988. The Palin family lives in Wasilla, about 45 miles (72 km) north of Anchorage. The Palins have two sons (Track, 19, and Trig, four months) and three daughters (Bristol, 17; Willow, 14; and Piper, 7) [ages as of August 2008]. Todd Palin has said Track's name came from the interest Sarah's parents had in the sport and the fact that he was born in the sport's season; Bristol was named after Bristol Bay in Alaska, where Todd grew up and where he does commercial fishing; Willow was named after Willow, Alaska; Piper got her name because it is uncommon and "a cool name"; Trig's name is Norse for "strength".

1)Your first-born will be named after your parents favorite sport:
Futbol

2)Your second-born will be named after a nearby area that you're not from but you like the sound of part of the name, and maybe you have nostalgic memories of said place:
Bradenton

3)Your third-born will be named after another nearby place, for no reason other than you already have two children and don't have time to put much thought into another name:
Eustis

4)Your fourth gets a "cool" name:
Kenley

5)Your fifth gets something mythological, possibly straight out of Lord of the Rings:
Rowan

Im on TV!

Because Im running the auditions for this weekend and next weekend I get to be on TV! Local news came and interviewed us. Here's their short online blurby:

http://www.wctv.tv/home/headlines/27973894.html

So kind of not feeling the life right now. This is probably going to be a long one, its been awhile so feel free to not read my wining. Im emotionally exhausted. I feel like Ive been climbing some giant hill; is there a top from which I could look down and see....Los Angeles?

For starters, you already know about the loss of car (yet not of life so plus there). However the cars immediate destruction was shortly followed by my parents buying me a gray Kia Optima, 02 which, they reveled in because according to them it would serve me until I made it big in the movie biz and bought myself a Mazarati(sp?). The Optima turned out to be quite the mis-purchase. My rents asked me only one question about my car desires (since I knew that they would be purchasing the new car because 1) the old car technically belonged to them so the insurance money went to them and 2) I had no real car expertise or other money of my own), the question I was asked was: 4 door or 2 door? Now, I have a great love for compact cars. They're cheap on the gas, good on the environment, easy to park, fun to drive, cheap, and just generally cute. Sad for me, the one request was completely ignored and instead I arrived in Sarasota to find a large (according to my standards) 4 door gray, leather interior, sunroof, woodgrain, old man looking vehicle. While the color and shape of the car arent bad, and I could live with the 4 doors, I would NEVER purchase a car with leather (sticks to my legs, is ugly, and gives off the completely wrong impression of a vegetarian) or woodgrain for that matter either(this is just personal taste). I didnt want bells and whistles, sun roofs, 6 airbags and gooddamn power locks. I just wanted a small car that I knew I could drive in comfort, that I could turn quickly and easily (like a go cart) and just feel small and insignificant on the road with. Okay so I was a bit upset about the IMAGE of the car, mind you my feelings towards it have infinitely changed since then, in that, I now hate it more than just the way it looks. Its been to around 6 mechanics now, each of which has delivered a completely different list of problems. To sum up, the car has had its alternator changed some 3 times now, has had transmission fluid leaking into the alternator since then, been jumped AT LEAST 10 times and punched by me in a fashion that surprisingly did not break my hand after I screamed at in the school parking lot at 3am in the morning. So yeah, rents bought a bad car, and less then a week after it going nutso they left for Poland. Might I also note that the car had flickering lights (a sure sign of the problems that car had) when my dad bought it. And yes, he noticed it because he talked to me about how strange it was. Call me stupid but I wouldnt buy that car... Oh and one more thing, Im pretty fucking sure they only went to one car dealer. Because the car I got, came from the same place my old chevy was bought: a shady ass place in Venice thats practically under a bridge. Mind you this is only speculation, I have no proof that they didnt look anywhere else; its just a feeling. I tried getting the dude to take the car back and after he told me that if I drove it back to Sota that he would exchange out for another car he refused to give me more than 4g for the damn thing (my dad paid 6 not counting the repairs and upgrades that have already gone into it) so I couldnt very well loose out on 2 grand and have to pay extra to get something halfway decent. So anyway, the car died on me again a day ago. Im trying to figure out whats up. I disconnected the trunk light and am watching how I turn off lights and things. Lets pray to whoever that it was my negligence and not some continuing lemon-ness of the car.

I broke down yesterday because I realized after reading an email from Kellen's dad that I dished out 175 dollars on international calls at his house from talking to my parents about what to do with the fucking car. Nice. Money I definately do not have to be throwing away.

I miss Kellen. I spent two weeks with him and I just miss having him next to me.

On a completely seperate venture its thesis time in Film School land and we're doing this whole new way of doing it. In that we choose the area we want to "focus" on. Needless to say everyone (except for 4 ppl who are doing cinematography) have chosen to direct. I pitched to direct, 2 movie ideas that I worked on very hard over the break while dealing with my stupid car. The pitch didnt go so well, I spent 2 more days trying desperately to come up with ways to make them better and found myself sobbing on the floor(typical of me lately) so a week ago I decided that my talents would be better suited focusing on producing (which is more in line with the kind of work I plan on doing in the industry anyways). After talking to Chip (one of my profs) we talked about how I should do what Iove, that me and him were going to do a mini DIS on 1st ADing and planning on getting into the DGA trainee program, that this, that that, etc, etc. Now a week later and I havent even had my meeting with Reb to, "present what it is that I want to get out of the program". Im kind of stuck, at least til the producign prof comes back into town but Im concerned that this semester will just be a huge waste for me. I simply am getting the idea that since, Im the only one especially, Ill just be ignored when it comes to the learning and that I made a bad decision. I should have kept trying or something. But I was so miserable, and not very good at coming up with better ideas. Also, they passed (meaning come up with whole new story lines) on the 2 things I pitched anyways. Just worried. Hopefully I can make something of it tho.

Oh yes and all during these my PC hardrive crashed while doing a system cleanup. Lost files yes, thankfully under warranty so at least that was fixed for free by Best Buy. And laptop breaking off of exterior paneling thingy--still have yet to send out the damn thing to have it fixed because this too is under warranty.

Then theres the insomnia that you may have noticed. At the moment it is 4:23AM and I am not in the least bit sleepy. Havent been able to fall asleep now in 4 or 5 nights. I played raquetball for 3 hours yesterday hoping to make myself super duper exhausted so I would fall asleep but to no avail. I lay in bed fucking furious. I fall asleep at around 6 or 7am. I think tomm I might consider making a visit to the health center. I need my sleep patterns back.

All in all, Im wondering if there will be a time when 200 dollars wont break me into a fit of tears. If Ill ever get to live with Kellen and not have to experience hating when hes around me for 2 days(because Im not used to having someone around) but then not being able to be without him after Ive gone through the 3 week accustomation period. If Ill ever stop having these bad streaks of luck (remember last year, around this time, when my TV broke, I got hit by a car on my bike, my ipod was rained on and was in a car accident involving a spinning out of control SUV in Michelle's car?). Yeah what the fuck god? Spread it out over time or something. And if Ill stop making myself feel guilty for not being to think of an interesting screenplay. Anybody got ideas to these burning questions? You're probably not even reading still...I wouldnt be reading either, talk about bitching right? Jeez. Im gonna attempt sleep. OH and boozing it up to fall asleep, not working for me right now--tried it. :(

Oh, but there is one bit of good news! I weigh 125 after my regimented exercise, eating, cutting back on sugar diet thingamahoo. 5 more and I will weigh what I weighed when I started undergrad. If I keep going maybe I can actually STOP existing, implode on myself, and thereby solve my crap luck, shitty life, insomnia, car, computer problems. :)

1. Do you like blue cheese? No. Mold.

2. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No.

3. Do you own a gun? No

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? No

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No. Unless they're a dentist.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? NO

7. Favorite Christmas Song? Good King Wenslus? Polish stuff no one would know.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee

9. Can you do push ups? No

10. What's your favorite meal? Tomato soup is pretty good. So is Basil Tofu. Or flautas. I like food.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? earrings

12. Favorite hobby? reading

13. Do you work with people who idolize you? No idolatry here. And who would answer this question with yes?

14. Do you have A.D.D? No.

15. What's one trait that you dislike about yourself? I cant write creatively.

16. Middle name? Krystyna

17. Name 3 thoughts at this moment.
1) I hope Im making the right decision
2) Sleepy
3) Hot cocoa

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday:
1) Tomato paste
2) Rice cakes
3)

20. Current worry right now? Should I be producing? Am I running away by not directing? Is everyone thinking that Im a weak coward. WIll this somehow royally fuck up everything? Does the harddrive that just died in my computer have something really important on it?

21. Current hate right now? Perceptions. Expectations. Discouse. Mccain and his VP whats her face

22. Favorite place to be? Poland

23. How did you bring in New Years? I dont remember--with Kellen and Jeremy drunk?

24. Where would you like to go? Japan, England, Brazil, France

25. Name three people who will complete this? Maybe Rue?

26. Whose answer do you want to read the most? Rue?

27. What color shirt are you wearing?purple

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No--wierd

29. Can you whistle? Yes.

30. Favorite color(s)? Green. Red. Not together.

31. Would you be a pirate? No. Scurvy

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? No

33. Favorite girl's name? Josephine....

34. Favorite boy's name? Tristan

35. What's in your pocket right now?No pocket

36. Last thing that made you laugh? cnagy's post

37. Best bed sheets as a child? WTF? I had a pound puppies pillow...

38. Worst injury you've ever had? Giant hole ripped out in my calf? No...backwards ankle

39. Do you love where you live? Yes! But not Tallahassee--just the apartment

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three-but 2 of them arent mine

41. Who is your loudest friend? Erin

42. How many dogs do you have? None.

43. Does someone have a crush on you? Kellen?

45. What is your favorite book? Uh....A Little Princess

46. What is your favorite candy? CANDY!!! I Like all candy.

47. What is your favorite sports team? I don't watch sports.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Dont give a fuck

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night? doing a puzzle

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? Sound like youre not asleep

So I was in a car wreck since the last time I posted. I was hit by someone going around 50 and then hit a tree. Im fine. My car was totalled. My parents bought me a new car but they bought me a lemon. The guy wont give me back the money. My parents left the country 4 days ago. The car is still fucking up. Seriously. I dont even know how to drive it back to Sarasota. I punched it a bunch of times because I was so upset and I think I hurt my hand. Im really upset and my movie locks tomorrow. I cant think about this bullshit but I have to. I cant believe that my parents would buy a car like this--believe me they saw something was wrong when they were buying it yet bought it anyway and now I have to clean up the mess.

The five day prepro countdown has officially begun.

My actors JUST told me that he's not available at night. The only scene he's in takes place at night.

Im hungry but too tired to make food.

Dont know what to focus on.

Did I write a script thats too difficult to shoot?

I hate thinking about coverage...its the hardest damn part.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck I have no money and I dont know how to ask my parents for more and only MORE bills are coming up with my movie. I have to not cry, not get depressed and direct a movie. Im right on the edge lets hope that my ATL can hold me up.